the ugly

The first time I heard feedback about my teaching voice was from my students. "The teacher has a loud voice", they echoed each other. So, subconsciously, I came to be proud of my voice. It reaffirmed that my 3-year singing stint years ago wasn't such a waste of time after all. But soon after, my husband got into a habit of finishing every arguement with a "don't speak to me in that teacher voice". Then I noticed that my children were cowering when handing in graded work that came back from school, pleading for me not to critisize them. I was a little worried when I noticed a pattern. Just last summer, when barking to my students to pick up the garbage before they leave the classroom, one of my students replied with reproach: "You could have just asked me to do it". I felt a little embarassed. I apologized and told him he was right: I shouldn't have used "that" voice. Then came a teacher's meeting. When working with my colleagues on a project, they teased me, not without some bitterness, about being bossy and dismissive of their ideas. " I wonder what you are like at home...", one of them said. The message was starting to sink in. But just a few days ago, I finally hit the rock bottom. After teaching 2 classes back to back and leading a lunch meeting, I was running to my afternoon class, and dashing into the elevator already full of people, I uttered: "second". The look that the girl standing next to the door had on her face said it all. In her silent surprise, my ugly, direct, condescending tone was reverberating in the air. OK. I get it now. My question is, how do you NOT let your voice be affected by years of saying the same thing?